Dumping Hook-up Culture: Staying Positive while Dating

Recently, a young college gal emailed me asking how to stay positive after dating what she called a “deadbeat” kind of guy. She admitted her fault in not seeing the red flags but gladly checked out when it became obvious that the two were on two different wave lengths when it came to compatibility.

She shared that some guys seem to only want to hook up and is worried that no one will really like her for her personality and who she really is beyond the lip gloss, so to speak. More than that, she’s afraid that no guy will want to date her once they find out she won’t have sex with them.

So, how do you stay positive in today’s hook-up culture?

I was literally exhausted when it came to searching for Mr. Right in my mid-twenties. Everyone would say, “Don’t worry, God is going to bring you you’re dream guy”. Ughh! So sick of hearing that but hoped it was true. However, God does listen to every detail in your heart, every desire.

I wanted to marry a man who spoke Italian, lived in Italy, was adventurous, a man’s man, honest, faithful and had integrity. When I met Ricky I found out that he lived in Italy for 2 years for mission work with Campus Crusade, still speaks fluent Italian, is a US Army Green Beret soldier, jumps out of airplanes (talk about adventurous!) and is a convert to Catholicism with a big devotion to Our Lady. The point: God listens to your heart. He cares more about you and loves you more than your future husband. Don’t forget your relationship with God; He should always come first.

Here are four ways to help you stay positive.

1. Be realistic. Remind yourself that the guys that write you off (because you practice virtue!) are not the type of guys you would want to be with anyway nor are they  the type of guys you want to bring home to Mom and Dad. You’re looking for Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now. Be realistic and patient.

2. Use your time wisely. College is the perfect time to cultivate good friendships with your girlfriends. Take road trips, plan fun day trips for the weekend, etc… Also, make sure you take 1-2 retreats a year. You’ll be surprised how hard it is to carve out time for spiritual retreats once you enter into the post-college world. Oh yeah, you should study too! College is a pretty expensive endeavor and you don’t want to look back realizing the C- you got in English Composition was because you fretted away your time agonizing over boys.

3. Be at peace. Singlehood is not a disease. Being alone is not the same thing as being lonely. Besides, we are never alone if we believe that God is ever-present. Be at peace and rest in knowing that your husband is probably thinking the same thing you are, wondering if his future bride is fighting the good fight. Peaceful people are always happier people. Remember: Satan brings about anxiety to distract, discourage, and ultimately intimidate you away from God’s will.The Prince of Peace will never bring you anxiety. Be faithful and obedient to Our Lord – He never disappoints.

4. Sacrifice for Love. Love is not a constant stream of rainbows and sunshine. Relationships require work and dying to yourself for the good of the other. The sacrifices of saying no to the wrong guys only helps you practice the virtue of purity as well as give you the opportunity to put your beloved (even if you haven’t met him yet) above all others. Each time you say ‘no’ to a guy that doesn’t share your same values, you are really saying ‘yes’ to your future husband, and ultimately God. Offer up these troubles for your husband. Trust me, he’ll appreciate it.

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

Do you have a suggestion on staying positive? Leave your comment below. We’d love to hear from you!

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